BEDM #1: the open door

(BEDM* is my attempt to blog each day of May – just to see if I can.)

So not all of these posts are going to be coherent, or even very long. Some might be. Others will be shorter notes, like this one, because I had another Migraine of Doom(tm) today. (*sigh*)

As I’m going to be writing a lot of these blog posts more like ‘actual’ journal entries, I think it’s okay to open up and be a little more honest. There’s some difficult stuff going down in my personal life. But… what should I say here, in these situations? That’s the problem considering that I’m quite a private person. I don’t often post about very private things and on the rare occasions I have done, I used to do so under the LJ f-lock (meaning only the people I chose could see it). I can’t do those sorts of entries now, though, since moving my blog.

Still, it’s been a rough few weeks. And that has nothing to do with having to move (twice) during the course of this spring & summer. Other things have been stirring. Family stuff. You know, the good stuff. πŸ˜‰

No matter how many times and how badly certain members of our family hurt us, they are still our family. We still love them. Well, I do, anyway, though I’m sure I speak for many when I say that. I don’t have an amusing blog post to kick of ‘BEDM’ I’m afraid, so all I will say is this: if you are having problems with someone you love, make an effort to reach out to them. Do it now, if you can. At least that way you might not have so many regrets later on down the line. Understanding can be hard won. Forgiveness is difficult. But I’m still reaching out as often as I can – although it feels more like bashing my head against a brick wall, to be honest – but I’m trying.

I don’t know how much longer I will keep trying… but for now I’ll leave the door open.

Β© Katerina Gorina |

*Blog Every Day May, in which I copy Jaclyn Moriarty.

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9 Responses to BEDM #1: the open door

  1. Jess says:

    Hope things get better, Kaz. Family stuff can be so stressful. A few years ago, when my dad & stepmom got divorced, there was an insane amount of drama. Despite my best efforts, I’m no longer in touch with her or my half-brother. But it comforts me to know that I tried.

    • Kaz says:

      *hugs* Thanks. Yeah, family stress can be the worst kind. I’m sorry about your situation with your stepmother and half-brother. That’s so, so hard – but I’m glad you can find comfort in knowing you did all that you could.

  2. ThisViewOfMine says:

    Whises you luck with ‘unsaid’ situations. Family problems can be… well, its like if a tornado blew through your mind. I tried making things work between my mom and I for about 6 years after some very, lets say enlightening information came out. The last 8 months, maybe a year now, I’ve just gotten to the point where im done trying. All it brought me was more heart ache & headaches, and some VERY strained times.

    Its up to you to decide when the work isnt worth it any more. My time came when i just stoped caring. The best that i can explain it is this: I didn’t hate her anymore but I don’t love her either. My advice, if you get to the moment, just stop.

    • Kaz says:

      “it’s like if a tornado blew through your mind.”

      YES! That’s totally how it feels.

      Thank you so much for sharing. It’s the hardest thing to let go, but yeah… you can just get to that point and then maybe it’s not so hard anymore. I’m not there yet with my situation (it’s way complicated, as these things often are), but I don’t know how long I’ll hang in there & keep holding out my hand only to have it slapped away. Thanks. *hugs*

      • ThisViewOfMine says:

        *nods* No matter how small the gesture is, it’s always hard when it is thrown back at you. That or when the gesture is accepted, but not appreciated. It can be so mentally exhausting.

        Now dealing with my mom is just frustrating.

  3. Sorry you are going through a rough patch with family. Been there and done that… my only advice is breathe and take it a day at a time:)

    I’ll stick with you on the blog a day….I promise to comment every day even if it’s lame. Just kidding… Go Kaz Go:)

    • Kaz says:

      I am trying to breathe and trying not to look too far ahead. It’s hard, though! πŸ™‚

      And thanks so much for sticking with me. LOL! Don’t worry about ‘lame’ comments. Comments are NEVER lame. I love each and every one. Now, my posts… they could very well be lame. πŸ˜€

  4. Mardel S says:

    I love cyber punk, steam punk, my husband-punk (mostly when I’m away from him heehee) and I’m sure I’ll love your dream punk!

    I thinks it’s good that you’re keeping yourself fresh by writing ssp’s on sundays. πŸ™‚

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